Singeldom sometimes hits you in great ways and in very ordinarary ways. After another birthday recently I have felt a little disappointed with how some parts of my life have turned out. Well, ok, let's be honest, only one part- the rest is great!...relationships. The dating game (insert cringe here!)
It's funny over the years my career has really developed, I have a good job, I earn a good living but I never really sought after this. It was never my priority. Finiancially I'm independant and very blessed, which allows me the incredibly priveledge and joy of blessing others in return, but again I never really thought of this as a significant part of my life's journey- though it's a great honour to do these things. Singledom and this job allows me luxuries of travelling at times and I know this is a priviledge that many don't have so I am so grateful for this.
I have amazing friendships, I am more-than truly blessed with the great women especially in my life. What legends they are. True warriors that jump in (and I with them) to the joys and trials of life with me. God has blown me away with these quality women, I will never be able to thank Him enough for them. In this area I am humbled beyond words. I have a family who I adore. I am so proud of all their strengths and achievements and being an Aunty has brought unspeakable joy into my life.
For my birthday 3 of 4 of my nephews/niece drew and sent me pictures- the fourth can be excused cause his only a baby- lol! But these pictures were the very best present that I recieved for my birthday. Why? Cause of their worth to me. The unconditional love of a child. They all even 'wrote' me something on their drawings- well ok, their mums wrote it but the words came from the mouths of the kids. How I understand why God loves the little children so much! How precious they are.
Relationships- as in that whole boy-girl, Adam-Eve one- though have kind of exuded me. I cringe at the thought of bringing "another" potential suitor (LOL) home to meet my family. (ps family reading this- I dont have anyone at the moment so breath easy crew!!) I wonder if they think "here we go again". I'm tired of the dating game, the "two days waiting period" before a boy calls, the "wondering if I look good in this feeling" and the "does he really like me feeling". Can anyone identify with this?
I'm SO totally over it I can't even put it into words- which for those who know me well- is rare! I told a girlfriend the other day that I'm "checking out" of the whole scenario! It's exhausting emotionally.
How funny is God though, because on my birthday, one of my girls sent me a text, not knowing this struggle that was going on in me, saying "remember God says 'I will never leave you'." If only she knew the impact of these words.
Everyone struggles with something, I guess this is part of my walk at the moment. Whilst I do feel completely washed up in this area, I do know- and I'm grateful- for the work that God is doing in my heart in this area. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I never have to give Him up; never have to second guess Him; never have to say "God, am I beautiful?" I love that I know He loves me, that He thinks I'm beautiful. As for the other side, well...if anyone's reading this out there that can identify with this- firstly, I'm sorry for your struggles! Secondly, know that you're not alone; and cling on to our God, the God of hope, of peace and of unconditional, unfailing love.
Tam
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